To my daughter on the day she moves away

I woke up early yesterday morning completely disorientated. I remember you as a baby so vividly and completely, it simply isn’t possible that we are putting you on a plane today to live a year in Istanbul. Good parents simply do not put babies on planes to live in other countries! I do not know what enables the brain to blend close to 19 years, into a few moments, but in those early hours my mind did precisely this. This day has arrived much too soon for my heart to catch up.

If I was the eloquent speaker I wish I was, I would deliver this to you at the airport today. I do not trust that much worth remembering will flow from my mouth in the moment. I have a few things I really want you to remember. Despite my tears, today is a good day. I want you to remember this on the hard days. So, I want to say this right.

Sixteen months ago, I was with you in Kentucky at the AG Fine Arts event. You were not having a good week. You worked very hard to convince me you were. However, I could tell you were struggling with the summer classes you choose to take. You missed your best friends. Some of the things that seemed so important to you, wasn’t bringing you as much fulfillment as you expected them to. You couldn’t reconcile the two. Let me take a guess at a question you were pondering. You wondered if complete and total happiness was ever going to happen for you.

In order not to get lost in the emotions you were facing, you numbed yourself with hours of viewing online other people’s images of happiness. It was painful for me as your mom to watch. I knew this was not going to bring you the joy you sought, but I also knew you are a girl who has to learn things in your own way.

This was the summer before your senior year. We, well really I, was frequently discussing the plan to visit colleges in the fall and spring. As I was “helping” you plan, it was clear I was more excited about this than you were. At some point, I decided to stop talking so much and start praying more. My prayer to God was to guide you and me through this season. To give you a path that would lead you to the right school and set you up for the things in life you have always dreamed of.

I remember so clearly, and I stored it away in my heart from that moment forward, a sudden and complete peace about your future. I heard, almost as if it was spoken, that you would be well as long as you walked with God in this next season. Don’t worry about selecting the right school, the right program, the right scholarships – just submit your plans to God and he will guide you through this.

In the next few months, you followed through on the course we had discussed. You applied to many colleges, and was accepted to 12 of them! Most of them with significant scholarships. You visited a few, and liked some of what you saw in a couple of them. By the time the spring arrived, you had narrowed it down to two. You suddenly paused, trying to decided between the two, which one was the best for your future?

Well, you know what happened next. Unexpectedly, a new option was presented to you by yours truly (sorry/not sorry!). It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me either, but something about this seemed right – in a totally impossible to pull off way. I recall your response was excitement mixed with anger. “Mom, you know I’m struggling to decided which college to go to. Why are you confusing me with this other option??!! You are stressing me out even more!!” You then began to list all the reasons it wouldn’t work out.

We can often pray to God and expect him to respond like Google Maps. We punch into our prayers our desired destination, and sit back to wait for a menu to paths ahead to reach it. The Google-like God we seek will recommend a path free of roadblocks, construction, pitfalls, setbacks, and rough roads. Instead, we sit comfortably sipping our Starbucks while our perfect journey is being prepared. Once you let me know, Father God, how to get there as quickly and efficiently as possible, I’m ready to follow you anywhere!! Let’s Go!

The problem with this Google Maps approach to life with the Almighty is:

1. You assume you know the right destination to put into the prayer tool. A GPS system isn’t much help if you don’t know the address or name of where you are going. It is of no help at all to discover something new that has never been mapped, categorized and tagged before. So, what if God’s plan for you can (or should) not be articulated in a nice neat prayer request?
2. A navigation app is wonderful for getting to specific places quickly and efficiently with as few surprises as possible. You look like an expert navigator. Except, if you use them exclusively, you learn nothing about actual navigation. Lose your phone, drain your battery or encounter something that the app doesn’t know about – and you are completely lost. Worse than lost, you don’t have the tools to become not lost. You may even abandon the trip until you have your trusty app back with you. This is fine for navigating a new town, but it is an awful strategy for life.
3. This completely bypasses that your relationship is with the Living God who created the universe. He is all powerful. All knowing. Capable of answering any request or need. His intent is not to simply serve you endless life routes, but a relationship. He wants you to know Him and know yourself, his exquisite beloved creation, as He created you to be.

Traveling with God is more like a much slower walk using landmarks, roadsigns, help from strangers, your senses, and frequent stops to assess/regroup/restart your journey again. This is what happened to you in April 2017. You approached a fork in the road, it was confusing and exciting. When you prayed, God did not provide you a full path ahead. What he did was give you signs, encouragement and help with the next step. As you completed each step, He led you lovingly to the next one. Suddenly, it’s January 7, 2018 and you cannot believe that you are here. I cannot either. You are about to step on a plane. This week you will move into a flat in Turkey for a year. What you experience these next 12 months will change your life forever.

As your mom, I feel I also must remind you that this is not the destination. It’s an amazing and exciting rest stop. One where you will receive nourishment, encouragement, rest, new experiences, strength, knowledge, insight, direction, and other things that may surprise you. This is what I want you to remember when the times get a bit harder. Remember how you got to this place. Remember it was by trusting God, believing He was with you, having the courage to take the next step, and moving forward when he removed what was blocking your way.

• Proverbs 3:6 NLT Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
• Philippians 4:6. NLT Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
• Isaiah 30:21 NLT Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.
• Matthew 6:34 MSG Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
• Reread Romans 8 (remember when I sent you that in April?) it’s still true. Excerpts from the Message version:

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us – an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him! That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing – nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable – absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Read this, pray these, remember how they were true in 2016, and trust these verses. All will truly be well for you, all will be well, very well.

Every. Single. Thing.

As you trust and follow God. I love so much my beautiful baby girl. I’m so thankful for you. I’m so excited for you. I will be praying non-stop for you. I completely trust the One who is walking with you where I cannot.